Zombie Protection Agency
by Persiana13
Summary: Chris and Jill decide to join in a new business venture. Insanity and 'Zombie' killing ensue! Crack fic!
1. Chapter 1

**Zombie Protection Agency **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Capcom. _

Chapter 1: Open for Business 

Chris Redfield, former Special Forces commando and mercenary, took a step back and admired his creation. Since the threat of zombies was recently being talked about, Chris decided to start a venture that would help people deal with zombies should there be a zombie apocalypse.

Jill Valentine, another Special Forces commando, was hanging up the banner. It read as follows;

'Zombie Protection Agency: Where our Fees don't Cost you an Arm and a Leg.' (1)

Jill looked at the banner and said to Chris,

"Are you sure you want to say that?"

Chris shrugged,

"What? I like it. It fits."

Jill came down the ladder and shook her head,

"Sweetie, I know we're dating and everything, and I want to be supportive of your decision, but I have a bad feeling about all of this."

Chris said,

"Jill, trust me. I'm a professional. I know how to handle myself around zombies."

He walked inside and Jill began to wonder what she was seeing in him. Suddenly, a girlish scream came from inside the store and, as Jill rushed in, she heard Chris shouting,

"DIE, ZOMBIE BASTARDS!"  
The repeated firing of a magnum pistol could wake up the whole neighborhood and, as Jill walked in, she saw Chris firing his magnum into the floor. Valentine looked down and shouted,

"Chris!"  
Chris looked back, panting,

"That thing tried to eat me! It must be a zombie!"

Jill said flatly,

"Chris, it's a cardboard cut-out of Wesker."

Chris blinked in confusion for a moment and then looked down again. Sure enough, it was a cardboard cut-out of Wesker, his arch-nemesis. The mercenary blinked and chuckled sheepishly,

"Oh, would you look at that?"  
Jill rubbed the bridge of her nose,

"What else could go wrong today?"  
As if to answer her question, suddenly, a beam of light flashed in the room, blinding both Chris and Jill. The light then faded and Deadpool, a red and black clad mercenary with swords and guns appeared. He triumphantly declared,

"Finally, I get to appear! The author better be paying me a lot of money for this. I love money. Almost as much as I love Bulgarian cars from the 1960s, which I do love a lot."

He looked around and said,

"So, folks. What's going on?"

Jill looked at Deadpool and groaned,

"Me and my big mouth!"

Chris was ecstatic,

"You made it! Let's get you started with the training course!"

Jill's jaw flapped open,

"You're training this nut to work for us?"

Chris nodded,

"Why not? He's good with a gun. Plus, he needs work to do."

Deadpool added,

"That, and this work needs comedic relief. That's why I'm here."

Chris said,

"Now, we need to go over the zombie survival manual so we can all get certified in killing zombies."

Jill rolled her eyes,

"I'd say you two are certified. Certified nuts!"

Chris whined,

"Oh, come on, Jill. What's the worst thing that could happen to us?"

Jill shuddered,

"I'm almost afraid to answer that."

Deadpool shook his head,

"Relax, Jill. The author won't do anything in the first chapter. He's just establishing the fact that we're three wacky people with a dream. Like the writers for Marvel and DC."

Jill groaned,

"This is going to end up badly, I know it."

Next Chapter:

The Zombie Protection Agency gets their first assignment. Let the insanity begin! Stay tuned, fellow readers!

(1) A. Fox deserves credit for helping me come up with that line.


	2. Chapter 2

**Zombie Protection Agency **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Capcom. _

Chapter 2: First Customer 

After the first week on the job, Chris, Jill, and Deadpool were waiting patiently for a call.

Deadpool whined,

"When are we getting a call?"

Jill glared at him, gnashing her teeth,

"For the 456,433th time, I don't know! Stop asking!"

She pulled out a shotgun and the mercenary looked at what he thought was a camera,

"Dude, seriously? You're going to have her splatter my good looks already? Are you high on something? Cuz, if you are…can I have some? I need it to kill the pain. Huh, kill the pain. That's a good one. Killing pain-!"

Before he got to finish the sentence, Jill blasted Deadpool with the shotgun in the nether regions. Deadpool winced,

"Ow. No fair, Mr. Author Man."

He then promptly fell face first onto the floor.

Chris came running up from downstairs,

"What happened?"

Jill smiled sweetly,

"Oh, nothing. Just a misfire, that's all."

Deadpool raised his hand,

"Someone has a different definition of misfire."

He stood up and looking down at his wounds and costume, saw them mysteriously being healed and repaired. Deadpool cackled,

"Hah! Nothing shall stop Deadpool."

Chris shook his head,

"I know we're all bored, but, look at it this way. There haven't been any zombie sightings yet."

No sooner did the former Special Forces operative finish that line than the door opened and quickly shut behind. It was Chun-Li. Chun-Li was a martial artist and an Interpol agent. She was charged with capturing the most dangerous and brutal criminals in the world. The Chinese fighter looked around and said nervously,

"You have to help me. She's got my Ryu."

Deadpool grinned,

"That's what we're here for. Say, did you hear about Tekken vs. Street Fighter? I heard it's going to be bigger than Chun Li's thighs!"

Chun Li glared,

"Who said that? I want to know who said that about my thighs!"

She did a Spinning Bird Kick on Deadpool, but he jumped over it and landed on the other side,

"Hah! I knew it! The author wouldn't let me get hit in the cul-de-sac twice in one chapter!"

Jill decided to approach,

"Now, what seems to be the problem, Chun Li?"

Chun Li explained,

"Well, Ryu and I were in a temple, and I was feeling sort of…in the mood, shall we say? Ryu was meditating and, I was about to flash him when I got hit in the head with something. It was hard and, when I was knocked out, I saw a woman with a piece of paper on the front of her forehead covering her face dragging him away. She was giggling maniacally and I know she was a zombie."

She began wailing,

"PLEASE, GET MY RYU BACK FOR ME! I'LL PAY ANYTHING! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BADLY I WANT HIS BABIES!"  
At this, the three Zombie Protection Agency employees all looked at each other and Chris said dramatically,

"We must help her! No matter how creepy she might be!"

Chun Li glared,

"You're an ass, you know that?"

Jill shook her head,

"Ignore my boyfriend. Now, where is the temple you and Ryu were at?"

**A few minutes later… **

Chris, Jill, Deadpool, and Chun Li were at the site of the temple where Ryu was last seen. Chris readied his magnum,

"I can feel it. There's a zombie here."

Deadpool had his swords drawn, speaking in a tough guy, German accent,

"All right, zombie. I'm going to slice you up and make knockwurst out of you."

He then heard his stomach growl,

"I'm getting hungry. After this, we're going to find a nice German restaurant."

Jill got her assault rifle ready. As she put a magazine clip into the weapon, there was a sound. It was faint, but it sounded like a woman's laughter. Chun Li squealed frightfully,

"That's it! That's the voice I heard!"

It did not take long, however, as the voice of the woman's laughter was getting louder, and closer. And, it was not a woman's laughter, but a high-pitched feminine scream.

And, it was coming from Ryu.

Ryu, who had most of his clothes torn and lipstick covering his face and chest, was madly running away, screaming at the top of his lungs,

"Chun Li, help me!"

Chasing him was a woman with pale blue skin, wearing red, purple, and gold robes. A piece of paper with writing on it was covering her face, but it did not hide the mischievous smile. She shouted,

"You belong to Hsien-Ko! Come back!"

Chris declared,

"A zombie! Open fire!"

At this, the former mercenary madly fired with his magnum. Deadpool pulled out machine pistols and began firing too.

Well, as you can imagine, the bullets were flying all over the place, almost hitting Ryu and Hsien-Ko. The warrior screamed,

"You maniacs! What are you doing? Are you trying to kill me?!"

Chun Li glared at them,

"If you hurt my boyfriend, you don't get paid!"  
Chris and Deadpool both stopped, while Jill shook her head,

"I know what's going on here."

She hoisted her rifle over her shoulder and began approaching Hsien-Ko. Ryu ducked behind her while the undead spirit stopped and glared,

"Get out of my way! Ryu belongs to me!"

Chun Li sneered,

"As if you deserve him! He belongs to me! We're going to make babies!"

Jill shook her head,

"Hsien-Ko, are you lonely and want someone to care about you?"

The undead spirit nodded shyly,

"Yes, and, when Ryu was calling out to me, I had to come."

Chun Li shook her head,

"Wait, Ryu was meditating. I didn't here him call out to anyone."

Hsien-Ko explained,

"Oh, I come when people are meditating, and usually make funny jokes and pranks. He thinks that he wants to see other people."

Chris looked at Deadpool,

"What is Jill doing? We have to kill the zombie."

Deadpool said,

"Dude, that's a spirit. We're not equipped to handle that. Besides, I think the way things are going, we won't have to."

Chun Li glared daggers at Ryu,

"Ryu, is this true?"

The dragon-inspired warrior shook his head,

"Well, Chun Li. The truth is…you are sort of…clingy."

The Interpol agent was furious,

"CLINGY?! THAT'S IT!"  
She jumped Ryu and a fight began to break out. Ryu pleaded,

"No, wait! Let me explain!"

Jill blinked,

"Wow, that sort of resolved itself."

Deadpool said,

"Yeah, but what about our payment?"

Hsien-ko pulled out a car key,

"Well, I did find this 1964 Bulgarian van-up in my travels. And, it's filled with gold coins. A spirit like me doesn't need it and-." (1)

Deadpool snatched the key,

"SOLD!"

Next Chapter:

The three reap their rewards, but, another client may be on the horizon. Stay tuned, fellow readers!

(1) A van up is just like it sounds; a cargo van with a space that makes it look like a pick-up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Zombie Protection Agency **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Capcom. _

Chapter 3: Avenging Losses 

Deadpool was in his van-up as he was sitting in it, bouncing on the seat,

"Yeah, awesome! I've always wanted one of these things!"

Jill was working the numbers and expense reports while Chris was filing a report on the incident. He was annoyingly typing it on his computer. What was annoying about it was he was also trying to record his voice on audio,

"And, as such, the zombie that was in question was actually a horny spirit, which proved to be-."

Suddenly, Chris' computer crashed and the former Special Forces op screamed,

"NO! MY REPORT IS GONE!"  
He then blinked,

"NO! I JUST RUINED MY TAPE! AAHH!"

He began hitting his head on a wall repeatedly until he blacked out. Jill said nonchalantly,

"I told him to put that new anti-virus patch up, but no. He knows what he's doing."

She tapped her pencil on her lip and said,

"Well, according to my calculations, we lost money on this job."  
Deadpool said,

"What do you mean?"

Jill explained,

"The Bulgarian van-up is going to cost a lot to keep up. I'm afraid we're going to have to sell it so we don't need the hassle."

The Merc-with-a-mouth was aghast,

"Sell my van-up?! But, I need it to complete my collection of 1960s Bulgarian cars! Those losers on X-Force kept destroying the cars I needed. Do you have any idea how long it took for me to find parts for those things?"

He then realized,

"Wait, that was Wolverine's revenge against me! He's jealous of my superior nature and popularity!"

Chris was taking a mallet to his computer as Jill talked,

"Didn't like five of your books get cancelled or something?"

Deadpool pointed a finger at her,

"For your information, I still get paid for those books, whether they sell or not!"

A loud crash was heard, but the two continued to talk. Jill shook her head,

"Not to mention a whole slew of variant covers that was done a while ago."

Deadpool grinned,

"Yeah, I got a copy of each one. It was awesome how they all wanted me to pose for them. I loved it."

Chris huffed and puffed, glaring at the destroyed pile of circuits that was his computer. Jill looked at him and shook her head,

"This is why I back up the files for the Zombie Protection Agency."

The bell over the door rang, which signaled that someone was in the office. Jill said,

"Chris, go check on who it is."

As Chris left, Deadpool asked,

"You're having Chris greet the customers?"  
The female special operative shrugged,

"It gives me time to clean up the mess."

Chris then suddenly yelled,

"Holy crap! The Avengers!"

At this, both the sword-wielding mercenary and the gun-wielding soldier looked at each other and went to see what Chris was excited about.

In the office where three people; the armored Avenger Iron Man, shining in a brilliant red and gold armor, the green-skinned and green-haired Avenger She-Hulk, and the hammer using god of thunder Thor. Iron Man explained,

"This is the Zombie Protection Agency we heard so much about, right?"  
Instantly Jill saw dollar signs in her eyes. She had heard Iron Man was a rich billionaire and this was the sort of thing she needed to get this business afloat. She then noticed Thor and thought he would be fun in bed later. Deadpool looked at the camera,

"You aren't going to have Jill sleep with Thor, are you, Mister Author Man?"

She-Hulk asked,

"Who are you talking to?"

Jill shook her head,

"Never mind him. What can I do for you?"

She invited them to take a seat. Iron Man explained,

"Well, this is about a friend of ours, and our team leader. Captain America."  
Deadpool was stunned,

"No, seriously?! The first Avenger, the greatest American hero ever, a zombie?!"

He then looked at the camera,

"If you ask me, it's not that unbelievable."

Jill, ignoring her business partner's quirky and insane attitude, asked,

"Well, what makes you think that Captain America is a zombie?"

She-Hulk said,

"Well, it started a few weeks ago, when I saw him eating something that looked sick. At first, I thought it was just a messy sandwich, but, I could swear, it looked like brains in there or something."

Iron Man added,

"And, the fact that he was encased in ice for so long, it really got me wondering; could Captain America be a zombie that came to life and has been eating brains this whole time?"

Chris declared,

"This will not stand!"

He shook hands with each one of them,

"My cohorts and I will get to the bottom of this! If Captain America is a zombie, we shall do everything we must to stop him from eating any more brains!"

Deadpool smirked,

"And, we want to be paid handsomely for it."

Next Chapter:

The Zombie Protection Agency finds Captain America. Insanity ensues! Stay tuned, fellow readers!


	4. Chapter 4

**Zombie Protection Agency **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Capcom. _

Chapter 4: Encountering the Menace 

Deadpool, Chris and Jill were waiting inside the Avengers Mansion. It was dark, and all of them had a clear view of the kitchen. She-Hulk, Thor, and Iron Man were also there, waiting to see if Captain America, their comrade in arms, was really a flesh-eating zombie.

Of course, they had been waiting for several hours in the dark, and Deadpool and Chris, armed with laser sighted assault rifles, were nodding off. Jill, using special night-vision goggles, was watching the kitchen. The former Special Forces soldier looked on and called in on the radio,

"Chris, Deadpool; are you there?"

When all she got as a response was snoring, she yelled into the radio,

"WAKE UP, YOU LOSERS!"

Instantly, The-Merc-with-a-mouth and the Special Ops soldier woke up and fumbled their rifles for a moment as they shook their heads. Deadpool asked,

"What? Where are we? What's going on?"

Jill smiled,

"That's better. Now, you two are going to stay awake until this job is complete. Got it?"

She-Hulk looked at Iron Man and Thor,

"Are you sure it was a good idea to ask them for help? Couldn't we have just confronted Cap on our own?"

Iron Man said,

"These guys are experts in how to handle zombies. I say we trust them."

The green-skinned woman looked on, shaking her head,

"After watching all those movies, and The Walking Dead, you still don't know how to handle zombies?"

A creaking sound suddenly got the attention of everyone involved in this. Then, there was an inhuman groan as She-Hulk's eyes begin to widen in fear. She screamed at the top of her lungs,

"ZOMBIE! CAP'S A ZOMBIE! RUN FOR IT!"  
She bolted out of the room and all over the mansion, overturning furniture and smashing everything in sight. Chris began firing his gun wildly, shouting,

"GET OVER HERE, ZOMBIE! DIE!"  
A loud scream was heard and, as the lights came on, Jill was blinded and pulled off her night vision goggles,

"I can't see!"

In a few moments, there was complete chaos all over the Avengers Mansion. Captain America was running for his life, being chased by a maddened Chris, Deadpool was looking around confused, and Thor, Iron Man, and She-Hulk were running around in a panic until they all collided with each other and knocked each other out.

Once Jill recovered her eye sight, several of the Mansion's rooms were destroyed, including the fridge. There, she noticed something that spilled onto the floor. It looked like a grotesque display of guts and blood. However, as Jill got to examine it closer, there was an unusual scent of tomato and herbs. She licked a little of it and discovered it was tomato sauce. And, the texture of the 'guts' felt like pasta.

She knew what this was and, needing to get everyone's attention, took an air horn and blew it into the radio.

Deadpool and Chris were immediately knocked out and Captain America was cowering in a corner, clutching his shield.

A few minutes later, Jill had everyone revived and smacked both Deadpool and Chris,

"You idiots jumped the gun! Again!"

Chris whimpered,

"But, Cap's a flesh-eating zombie!"

She-Hulk nodded,

"Yeah, we all saw it!"

Jill sighed and explained,

"That's not true. I took a look at what was in the fridge. He wasn't eating flesh; he was eating American chop suey."

Deadpool nodded,

"American goulash? Wow, I haven't had that stuff in ages!"

Chris shook his head,

"It's disgusting, is what it is."

Cap stood up,

"Hey! I haven't had that stuff in a long time, and I found a place that does it really well in New York! I think you can cut me a little slack!"

Thor said,

"So, that means the captain is not a man-eating zombie. What a relief."

Jill nodded,

"True. And, because we found out the truth, we need to talk about payment."

Iron Man got up,

"What? You maniacs wrecked my house!"  
Chris said,

"What about those laser burns in the bookshelves and ceilings?"

Jill smirked,

"We don't have those types of weapons, Iron Man…"

Deadpool said,

"Not yet, we don't."

Iron Man looked at the destroyed room and then at the Zombie Protection Agency staff. He groaned,

"This is going to cost me a fortune."

Next Chapter:  
As the Zombie Protection Agency cashes in on their newfound wealth, competition sets up across the street. Stay tuned, fellow readers!


	5. Chapter 5

**Zombie Protection Agency **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Capcom. _

Chapter 5: Competition 

Deadpool looked at the money Jill was counting up. Jill was writing a deposit slip for the bank as she was counting it. The Merc-with-a-mouth attempted to purloin some of the fee after helping the Avengers, but, as his hand crept near it, Jill pulled out a combat knife and stabbed Deadpool's hand with it, embedding the knife into the desk. Deadpool screamed,

"AAHH! I'm in pain!"

He looked at camera,

"What the hell, Mr. Author Man? Why did you write that in the script?"

Jill looked menacingly at Deadpool,

"Do not touch this until I finish counting it."

She then went back to counting. Deadpool shook his head,

"C'mon, Jill! I need money for gas for my van-up! Do you have any idea how expensive gas is?"

Chris was looking through the window of the office with a pair of binoculars. He said,

"Keep it down, you two. I think we might have some competition."

Jill looked up,

"What do you mean?"

Chris turned back and saw a moving van across the street. On the sidewalk, there were two people. One of them was in a red trench coat with pistols and a sword across his back. He had hair that made him look like a bad boy rock star. His name is Dante.

The other was a curvy blonde woman wearing skin-tight black leather and high heels. She was also wielding a sword, and a pair of pistols. She was also wearing sun glasses. Her name is Trish.

Chris blinked through his binoculars and said,

"Wow, she's hotter than Jill."

At this, Jill slammed her boyfriend with a frying pan,

"WHAT?"

She snatched the binoculars and looked through them to see Trish. Trish, seemingly knowing that she was being watched, blew a kiss and a little wave as she and Dante began putting the boxes inside the building across the street. Jill sneered,

"Tramp."

Deadpool whined,

"Let me see! I wanna see!"

Jill handed Deadpool the binoculars and, as Deadpool looked through them, the mercenary whined,

"What the hell? I don't see anything!"  
Jill went back to counting the money. Just then, the door to the Zombie Protection Agency opened and Trish stepped inside. She surveyed the three commandos and strutting up to Jill, smiled,

"Hi, you must be in charge around here, right?"

Jill looked up at the endowed blonde,

"What if I am?"

Trish said,

"Oh, nothing. I just thought I'd let you know I'm the co-founder of the Slayer Protection Agency and we're going to be putting you out of business."

She smugly smiled and walked out, wiggling her backside as she did. Jill's eyes glowed with a burning desire to beat the living daylights out of the new blonde girl. She snapped her pencil in anger and glared,

"This means war!"  
Deadpool blinked,

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to go get a coffee. See ya!"

With that, he bolted out of there, leaving Chris to suffer Jill's new found wrath for Trish.

Boy, did he pity him…

Next Chapter:

Deadpool runs into an old friend and finds out he's got new employment. Stay tuned, fellow readers!

Deadpool came on the set,

"Wait a minute, why would I take pity on Chris? It's not my fault he thinks Trish is hotter than Jill!"

Chris came on the set,

"You're supposed to feel pity for me! I'm facing Jill's wrath!"

Jill roared,

"THAT BLONDE BIMBO BITCH IS DEAD!"  
A chain saw could be heard as it was cutting through metal. Loud explosions and screams of rage could be heard. Deadpool shrugged,

"I see what you mean."


	6. Chapter 6

**Zombie Protection Agency **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Capcom. _

Chapter 6: Old Friends, New Enemies 

Deadpool was driving his new Bulgarian van-up across town. Of course, since the thing had been neglected for years, it had all sorts of problems. One of the tires was on its rims and several of the doors were barely hanging on by a thread, literally. Glass shards littered the sickeningly stained carpet, and most of the head and tail lights did not work. Deadpool inhaled deeply, smelling the exhaust. He said,

"Ah, smells like victory, if you ask me!"

He was taking the beat up wreck to a mechanic. This particular mechanic was also right across the street from a restaurant that Deadpool was seen regularly at. However, the sight of a mercenary with two swords, guns, and an attitude that suggested he should be in a mental institution made a lot of customers uneasy and would vacate the premise to safely get away.

Deadpool looked at what he thought was a camera,

"Hey, I can't help it! Isn't everyone a little crazy?"

He rolled his eyes underneath his mask, but grinned,

"Just wait! When this thing gets fixed, it'll have a better paint job than any artist that's ever drawn me before!"

He pulled into the garage and, just as he did, the radiator hose broke and sprayed the Merc-with-a-mouth with water. Deadpool yelled,

"HELP! I'M BEING WATERBOARDED! I THOUGHT THIS WAS OUTLAWED!"  
The radiator ran out of water and Deadpool stepped out, his mask drenched. The mechanic blinked at the vehicle and asked,

"You sure you want me to fix it? I can always shoot it for you."

A gun was pointed at his face as Deadpool said,

"Never, ever say you'll shoot this classic car. I want it fixed. I want it loaded with all sorts of bells and whistles. Ok, maybe just bells. But, could I have a dog whistle?"

The mechanic blinked and nodded,

"I'll see what I can do."

Deadpool nodded,

"Fine, and make sure there are no scuff marks. For every scuff mark I find, I shall kill you."

He then blinked,

"Wow, I just had a random Family Guy moment."

Deadpool then dashed into the restaurant across the street and sat down in a booth, watching the garage with an unwavering eye. An attractive waitress came over and asked,

"Do you want any coffee?"

Deadpool, not even turning, replied,

"Depends. Do I get your number with it?"  
The waitress blinked for a moment before 'accidentally' spilling hot coffee all over Deadpool's costume. Deadpool groaned,

"Oh, come on. I wouldn't have said it if you weren't cute! Honest!"  
A voice said,

"You're a real hit with the ladies, aren't you?"

Deadpool was drying himself off as he looked around,

"Who said that? Who's talking to me? Is it the voice in my head?"

As Deadpool turned around, he noticed a man wearing a skull mask, a hooded cape, wielding a sword and shield, standing in front of him. His name is Taskmaster, and he had the ability to copy any movement he saw. He could have remarkable aim, or remarkable punching power or sword play.

Taskmaster sat down in the same booth and said,

"So, how's the merc business going for you?"  
Another waitress came by and Taskmaster said,

"Yes, two specials of the day, please. And, a soda."

The waitress took the order and left. Deadpool blinked

"Oh, my God! You're the Ghost Rider!"

Taskmaster blinked for a moment and sighed,

"No, Deadpool. It's me, Taskmaster! We worked on the job back in Siberia a couple of months ago. I heard you were in town, so I thought I'd see how you're doing."

Deadpool nodded

"Oh, I remember that job in Siberia."

He glared,

"You used me as a human shield!"

Taskmaster shrugged,

"So? You recovered nicely, I see. Besides, you were the one that wanted to fight. I wanted to flee!"

He sipped the soda he ordered and Deadpool folded his arms,

"Whatever. I guess it is nice to see my buddy again. Anyway, I got a new job working with this lovely couple. I'm part of the Zombie Protection Agency!"

He yelled this out loud in the restaurant, and, as all the patrons looked at him, there were the sounds of crickets chirping. Deadpool sat back down and grumbled,

"Spoil sports."

Taskmaster shrugged,

"Sounds like a nice gig. Kill any zombies yet?"

The insane mercenary shook his head, whining,

"I want to, but Jill can see reason and always manages to talk me out of it. Her boyfriend Chris wants to shoot things up too."

The copy-cat mercenary shook his head,

"Must be rough. Well, I hope there's a big score in it for you."  
Deadpool shrugged,

"Let's hope so."

**Later… **

After chatting it up, eating, and getting Deadpool's van-up out of the shop, Deadpool was on his way back to the office of the Zombie Protection Agency. When he arrived, he saw Chris and Jill standing out in front, glaring at the competition. Deadpool walked up to them,

"Hey, gang! What's happening?"

Jill glared,

"Those idiots over at Slayers Protection Agency just got a new recruit."

Deadpool turned and could not believe what he was seeing.

Taskmaster was waving through the window, flipping the bird to the Merc-with-a-mouth,

"Hey, sucker! They offered me a job!"  
Deadpool blinked and glared,

"All right, buster. This means war!"

Next Chapter:  
The competition is on as the ZPA and the SPA square off. Stay tuned, fellow readers!


	7. Chapter 7

**Zombie Protection Agency **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Capcom. _

Chapter 7: Explosive Tensions 

Deadpool looked up at the title,

"Now, this is going to be a good chapter. I have a feeling there are going to be lots of explosions in this one."

Chris looked at his associate,

"Deadpool, what are you talking about?"  
Deadpool said,

"The name of this chapter is called Explosive Tensions. That means they'll be lots of explosions!"

Jill stared at the insane mercenary, completely deadpanned. She said,

"Wade, I think you're seeing things. I don't see a title anywhere."

Deadpool slapped his forehead,

"Oh, yeah. I forgot. You two can't break the fourth wall like I can. Which makes me unique. Which makes me…"  
He paused dramatically for a moment and shouted,

"DEADPOOL!"  
He cried it out loud, and both Chris and Jill were silent as they tried to decipher any sort of logical sense from the Merc-with-a-mouth. Deadpool looked at them and shook his head,

"Whatever. You two are from Capcom. You wouldn't understand Marvel greatness!"

At that moment, a bomb attached to a cement block came crashing through the window and slammed right into the back of Deadpool's head. Deadpool was knocked down and moaned,

"Owie!"

The cement block shattered, but the bomb was intact. Chris noticed the ticking timer and ran around like a lunatic,

"THERE'S A BOMB WAITING TO GO OFF! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! IF ONLY SOMEONE WOULD SAVE US!"  
Deadpool jumped into action,

"Never fear! I, a red-blooded American hero, will save you!"

He dove on top of the bomb and waited a few seconds. There was an explosion and the bomb blew a big hole through Deadpool and up to the ceiling fan, showering the office with Deadpool's blood and guts.

After a few moments of healing, Deadpool stood up. He inhaled deeply and exhaled,

"Ah, nothing like an explosion to clean out your system."

Jill wiped some of the blood away and glared at Deadpool and Chris,

"I could have just disarmed it. I do have the training."

Deadpool shrugged,

"This was more fun."

Chris asked out loud,

"Who could have thrown the cement block with a bomb on it?"

The answer came as the phone rang and Chris picked it up. The voice on the other end shouted,

"Loser!"

Chris blinked,

"Who is this? Is this a prank call?!"

The voice laughed,

"It's me, Dante! You guys are really idiots! No wonder Slayer Protection Agency is getting more calls than you!"

The line clicked and Chris put the phone down calmly. He began walking slowly to a cabinet he kept something very important in. The former special forces operative looked at Jill and said,

"I'll be right back."

He walked away, carrying a large black case with him. Deadpool winced,

"Oh, this is going to be bad for Dante and the SPA. I just know it."

**Meanwhile… **

Dante was enjoying his little prank as he was contemplating going out for a ride on Trish's motorcycle. He figured she would not mind, seeing as how it was her turn to go get take out from down the block. He grinned to himself,

"Oh, that cinderblock gag was funny."

As he neared the motorcycle, there was an explosion and the cycle exploded into flames. The demon slayer looked on in horror, as Trish's bike lay in a pile of scrap metal. Dante turned and saw Chris with a rocket launcher. He smirked evilly,

"Payback!"

He cackled maniacally as he escaped. Dante was in a panic,

"Oh, God! When Trish finds out her bike got totaled, she is going to be ticked off!"

He then blinked,

"Wait, it wasn't my fault! She would not possibly blame me for this!"

The sound of a woman clearing her throat could be heard right behind Dante and, as the sword user winced, he turned around. Trish had her arms folded and was in a bad mood. She scowled at her boyfriend,

"Would you mind telling me how this got started?"

Dante was frightened,

"Oh, I am so dead!"

Next Chapter:

The war between the ZPA and the SPA continues as a job comes up, requiring both of their skills! Stay tuned, fellow readers!


	8. Chapter 8

**Zombie Protection Agency **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Capcom. _

Chapter 8: This Means War! 

Dante was mad. He yelled,

"I won't let Deadpool make a fool out of me like this!"  
Trish, who was filing her nails, said,

"Dante, Deadpool doesn't have to help you make you look like a fool."

The demon slayer nodded,

"You got that right."

Taskmaster smacked his forehead and said,

"What do you see in him, Trish?"

Dante blinked,

"Wait, what? Did Trish just insult me?"

The blonde demon slayer looked up and said,

"I'm still mad at you for wanting to take a joy ride on my bike. And, while we're on the subject, what happened to your bike, anyway?"  
Dante began blushing and shaking his head,

"No, I don't want to talk about it."

Taskmaster grunted,

"I bet it was something stupid, wasn't it?"

**Flashback… **

Dante's bike, a sleek, high-speed, old-school looking bike, was parked on the street. It was parked on a street that performed street sweeping every Thursday between two and eight in the morning.

What happened to Dante's bike occurred on a Thursday at 6:45am. Dante was stopping by a diner and ordering eggs and bacon. As he was slopping up the egg yolk with the toast, the street sweeper came down the street and collided with the bike. The bike was being demolished as it ran through the bristles and reduced to scrap iron. Dante was so engrossed in his food that he failed to notice it until he paid the check and noticed the bike was missing.

It was later found that the pieces of the bike were scattered throughout the city, as well as pieces from the street sweeper…

**End Flashback… **

Dante said slowly,

"No."  
Trish rolled her eyes,

"However it happened, it doesn't matter. The point is, my bike got blown up and I'm going to get another one."

Dante jumped up,

"I got it! I'll go blow up that Bulgarian van-up Deadpool has! Then, we'll be even!"

He trotted away, carrying his large sword and pistols. Taskmaster shook his head,

"I hope he'll survive."

The blonde swordswoman asked,

"Why wouldn't he?"

The copy-cat former villain said,

"I was on a mission with Deadpool once, and he really loves Bulgarian cars from the 1960s. I'm telling you right now; if Dante does something to that van-up, there will be a wrath unleashed like none you have ever seen."

He shuddered,

"The things Deadpool did to that guy just for touching the thing. It still sends chills up my spine."  
**Meanwhile… **

Deadpool was driving his van-up down a busy street. He was blaring the horn, which was really the melody of an annoying show tune. Deadpool looked at the camera,

"Wait, what type of show tune? Cuz, it had better not be something really stupid, like the Brady Bunch or something."

The Merc-with-a-mouth was not paying attention and slammed the van-up into a fire hydrant. Deadpool shouted,

"Curse you, Mr. Author Man! You're making a mockery of Marvel's greatest property!"

Just then, the hydrant gushed water and sent the van-up shooting into the air. Deadpool whined,

"Oh, now that is just unfair! What the hell?"  
The van-up landed precariously on a flag pole, and Deadpool shook his head,

"O-K, now you're doing this just to annoy me."

He pulled out a cell phone and in a feminine panicked voice, yelled,

"HELP! MY VAN-UP IS HANGING PRECARIOUSLY OFF A FLAG POLE!"

Dante was walking down the street at that moment, lugging the large crate with a rocket launcher inside it. He noticed the predicament Deadpool was in and grinned,

"Now's my chance!"

He opened the crate and took out the rocket launcher. The demon hunter fired and it was a direct hit, the Bulgarian van-up Deadpool had worked so hard to obtain was now a smoldering scrap heap that was coming right on top of Deadpool. Deadpool noticed the shadow of the thing and he cried out,

"Don't worry! I'll save you!"

Too late, as the van-up crushed the regenerating mercenary. Dante cackled maniacally and disappeared.

In a few moments, after the fire and Deadpool were put out, the insane mercenary glared at the camera, his fists clenching in rage,

"You do realize, this means war, Dante."

He then said,

"And you too, Mr. Author Man! You're on my list!"

Next Chapter:

The ZPA and the SPA get called in on the same job. Stay tuned, fellow readers!


	9. Chapter 9

**Zombie Protection Agency **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Capcom. _

Chapter 9: Doom to them All 

A new job had brought the Zombie Protection Agency to Latveria. Latveria was a small country in Eastern Europe that was ruled by the tyrannical dictator Dr. Doom. A frequent foe of the Fantastic Four and many other heroes, Doom was a brilliant scientist who allowed his ego to get the better of him and, when an experiment failed marring his face, the Latverian dictator blamed Reed Richards, the heroic Mr. Fantastic. Doom vowed to have his revenge at all costs.

Doomstadt, the castle Doom resided himself in, was an ancient castle, harkening back to the Middle Ages. Of course, it had been upgraded with all sorts of traps and dangers, both mechanical, and magical. Doom was not just a skilled scientist, but an incredible sorcerer to boot. A truly diabolical villain, whose thirst for power was unquenchable.

Deadpool, Chris, and Jill were walking with their baggage and weapon crates when they heard the assignment would take them to a far away place. Chris said,

"Are you sure this is the place?"

Jill nodded,

"This is it, all right. This is Doomstadt."

Deadpool clapped his hand excitedly,

"Oh-my-God-oh-my-God-oh-my-God-oh-my-God-oh-my-God-oh-my-God! I can't believe we're going to meet the greatest Marvel villain in the world! Dr. Doom!"

He looked at Jill,

"Do you have any idea how big this is?"

Jill said sarcastically,

"Bigger than the hole in your head?"

The mercenary nodded,

"Yes!"

He then blinked,

"Wait, did you just insult me?!"

Chris grumbled,

"And he complains I'm slow on the uptake."

Deadpool snapped,

"Shut up, Redfield! No one likes you!"

He then turned to Jill,

"Doom is the greatest villain of all time! I even brought my book of autographs for him to sign."

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his autograph book. It was roughly the size of the unabridged dictionary. The echoing sounds of the book dropping on the floor could be heard throughout the castle.

Just then, a booming voice roared,

"WHO DARES LITTER IN THE CASTLE OF DOOM!"  
Instantly, Chris and Deadpool jumped in Jill's arms, shaking like leaves. Deadpool shouted,

"Zoiks! That's Doom!"

He then blinked,

"Wait, is this supposed to be a Scooby-Doo joke or something?"

Jill unceremoniously dropped both of them on the floor and called out,

"Uh, your Doomness, sir? My name is Jill Valentine and we're with the Zombie Protection Agency. You called us about a job?"

A trap door opened suddenly and swallowed the three individuals. The three members of the Zombie Protection Agency screamed down a slide that twisted and turned in every direction, until the slide ended in front of Doom. He was sitting on his throne, looking bored as can be. The armored megalomaniac said,

"Who addressed me as 'Doomness'?"  
Instantly, Chris and Deadpool got away from Jill. Doom looked up and said,

"I like how you showed some respect, young lady. What is your name?"

Jill was a bit beside herself, but made introductions nonetheless,

"Jill Valentine, sir."

Doom nodded,

"Ah, yes. You are from the Zombie Protection Agency, correct? I am glad I called you, for I am Doom! Everything I do, I do so because I am great!"

His armor gleamed as he spoke. Jill shook her head,

"In any event, let's get down to business."

Doom nodded,

"Yes, let's. I am leaving Latveria for two weeks to enjoy some sun."

He then looked at the confused members of the Zombie Protection Agency,

"What? Doom cannot go on vacation, taking a break from plotting to kill Reed Richards?!"

Chris shook his head,

"No, no, you can."

Doom nodded,

"That is correct, sir! I can, for I am Doom! Even I deserve a break!"

He cleared his throat and continued,

"In any event, despite being the greatest sorcerer alive, I would not have called you here, if I did not feel as though I could do this myself. I need this area patrolled for zombies. This new breed of zombies cannot trigger my sensors, and magic does not seem to detect them. It is your job to clean out and zombie infestations in my castle and make haste! When I return, we will discuss payment!"

With that, the thrusters on the throne activated and flew the dictator of Latveria to his destination of fun and sun. Deadpool blinked and whined,

"And, I didn't even get his autograph."

Jill shook her head,

"Whatever, let's get this show on the road."

Chris said,

"Well, at least the Slayers Protection Agency isn't here to poach this job."

Just then, the door to the throne room burst opened and Dante, Trish, and Taskmaster walked in. Deadpool rolled his eyes,

"Talk about great timing. The author of this insanity really can stick it to us, you know that?"

Next Chapter:

The ZPA and the SPA square off in Doom's Castle! Insanity ensues! Stay tuned, fellow readers!


	10. Chapter 10

**Zombie Protection Agency **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Capcom. _

Chapter 10: War of the Worlds! 

Deadpool looked up at the title,

"Does the author of this work know that that title has been taken?"

Dante blinked,

"What are you talking about?"

The Merc-with-a-mouth said,

"War of the Worlds? That's the name of this chapter. It's a book by this author from the late 19th century about aliens coming to Earth. But, the aliens all get killed off by the common cold."

Trish tapped her chin in thought,

"Didn't they make that a movie?"  
Chris nodded,

"Yep, and it was originally broadcasted on radio in the 1930s."  
Everyone looked at the former Special Forces Operative and he blinked and shifted his eyes,

"Or, at least, so I was told."

Deadpool shook his head,

"In any event, we can't have this chapter be called War of the Worlds. It's been done. How about A New Deadpool? Or, Deadpool Strikes Back? Or Return of the Deadpool? Those are some original titles."

Taskmaster rolled his eyes,

"So says the guy that lost to a teen squirrel chick."

The sword-using mercenary roared,

"HOW DARE YOU DIVULGE MY ONE DEFEAT! I WAS FRAMED! IT WAS A CONSPIRACY BY THE AUTHORS OF MARVEL FOR ME TO LOSE TO HER! I HATE SQUIRRELS, AND I HATE SQUIRREL GIRL!"  
Jill asked,

"Uh, is this something we want to know about?"

Taskmaster said simply,

"A teen heroine who looked like a squirrel beat Deadpool all by herself."

Deadpool got angry and pulled out his guns,

"Less talking, more killing!"

He proceeded to fire at the members of the Slayers Protection Agency and scattered the three of them. Chris went to take on Dante while Jill went to take on Trish. Deadpool and Taskmaster were going to fight each other.

Dante pulled out his sword,

"So, what are you doing here?"

Chris pulled out a magnum,

"The same could be asked of you."

The demonic mercenary said,

"Don't know, only Doom hired us and, seeing as you're here, we can finally settle our rivalry!"  
He went to attack Chris, but Redfield rolled out of the way and fired his magnum at Dante's legs. The fight continued on.

Taskmaster and Deadpool began clashing swords and the skull-masked mercenary said,

"At least when Dante blew up your car, it was done with a little class. His bike got totaled by a street sweeper."

Dante shouted,

"How do you know about it?"  
Deadpool began laughing,

"The readers all know it! It was a few chapters a-!"

Just then, Taskmaster's sword pierced Deadpool's chest and the wise-cracking mercenary groaned,

"You know what, that's low, Skeletor."

Taskmaster shook his head,

"No, but this is."

Materializing a shield on his free hand, the copy-cat mercenary slammed the shield onto Deadpool's throat, dropping him to the floor. Deadpool stood up, his wounds healing. He shouted,

"That's it! I let the author get away with making a fool of me because I get paid for it. But…YOU!"

He pulled out a can of spinach and, squeezing it tightly, the contents flew into the air and Deadpool swallowed them up. In a moment, Deadpool flexed his muscles and charged into battle rather foolishly,

"DIE, SKELETOR!"  
He began pummeling his skeleton-masked opponent.

After a few seconds of pummeling, however, Deadpool stopped and blinked,

"Wait, we're missing something. What about the super-awesome erotic cat-fight between Trish and Jill?"

Taskmaster blinked,

"You know something, I just noticed that too. Is the author of this trash being so lazy that he forgets to put a cat-fight in?"

At that moment, Trish yelled,

"DIE, BITCH!"  
She speared Jill through a table and began thrashing like a wild animal at her. Jill put a head scissor technique on her blonde opponent and threw her aside, and then crawled on top and began slapping Trish silly. Trish tried to fire a gun and Jill deflected it in time. A shot rang out and the bullet traveled up to a pipe in the ceiling, causing the water to break and shower down on the two female combatants.

Dante, Chris, Deadpool, and Taskmaster were watching in perverted bliss as the two women had slopping hair as they fought. Trish and Jill seemed oblivious to the drooling going on until both women looked at the men. Suddenly, a cold breeze seemed to move through the castle and Jill and Trish looked at each other. The blonde asked,

"Truce?"

The former special ops soldier nodded,

"Truce."

Trish charged up her sword and lashed out with it, launching an energy beam,

"DIE, PERVERTS!"  
The four men ran for their lives. Soon, energy beams had perforated every floor of the castle, reducing it into dust in a matter of minutes. Both the Zombie Protection Agency and the Slayers Protection Agency looked at the destruction that was caused by this. Deadpool said,

"Doom is not going to believe this. I'll just leave a note behind and our fee."

And so, as Doom returned from his vacation, he saw his beloved castle reduced to dust and roared,

"CURSE YOU, ZOMBIE PROTECTION AGENCY! AND YOU, SLAYER PROTECTION AGENCY! YOU WERE WORKING FOR RICHARDS! I KNOW IT!"

He then read the note and growled,

"They don't even write on recycled paper, the fools! How dare they pollute the planet of Doom!"

Next Chapter:

In the wake of this destruction, the heroes and villains from both the Marvel and Capcom worlds decide that it is time to put the SPA and the ZPA out of business. Stay tuned, fellow readers!


	11. Chapter 11

**Zombie Protection Agency **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Capcom. _

Chapter 11: Intervention 

As any semi-sane person would guess, the incident in Latveria drew unneeded attention for the Zombie Protection Agency and the Slayers Protection Agency. Inside of a week, the two organizations were attempting to out-do each other and infringe on each other's jobs. It led to the destruction of several iconic landmarks, including the Avengers Mansion, Zero's Base, The Xavier Institute, and the Daily Bugle. Although, in that case, Spider-man did enjoy the look on his employer's face when the building was shot up from a toy gun battle between Dante and Deadpool.

Don't ask.

It was at this time the Captain America, Iron Man, and several other heroes from both franchises got together and hatched a plan on stopping this once and for all. At night, they all secretly kidnapped the members of both organizations and-.

Deadpool walked out on the set,

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell is this? I get kidnapped, as well as everyone else? No sir, no way! Mr. Author Man, I don't know what you're smoking or taking, but there is no way I will ever get kidnapped! Especially by Wolverine!"

He then paused for a moment as crickets began chirping and the Merc-with-a-mouth shook his head,

"No, I won't submit to the cricket torture. No."

He folded his arms, raising his chin up. The semi-sane mercenary continued this stoic front for several minutes as the cricket chirping became louder and louder. Then, sweat began showing all over Deadpool. Still, swordsman continued his stoic stance, but he was noticeably shaking.

The chirping continued until Deadpool screamed,

"DIE YOU STUPID CRICKET!"

He pulled out a shotgun and fired at the direction of the cricket. For several minutes, there was silence. Deadpool smiled,

"Hah! That'll show him!"

Then, the cricket sound came again. Deadpool could not believe it as he began firing,

"DIE, CRICKET! DIE!"  
He kept firing the shotgun, but the cricket noises became louder and louder, and more numerous as Deadpool continued firing. Finally, Deadpool broke down, shouting,

"All right! You win! I'm kidnapped! But, I had better not be kidnapped by Wolverine!"

Just then, he was jostled as Chris said,

"Deadpool, wake up!"

Deadpool, who had been snoring through the whole thing, shook his head,

"Wha? What happened?"

He noticed all of them were tied to chairs in a dark room with a solitary light hanging over them. Captain America and Zero were there, both having their arms folded.

Deadpool groaned,

"Hey, it's Cap! You know, they made a movie about you! Pretty good one, too."  
Taskmaster groaned,

"Deadpool, please shut up."

Captain America glared at them,

"Now, I want an explanation as why the six of you are so hell-bent on destroying each other and-."

Just then, the lights came on and Felicia, a blue-haired cat-girl, walked in, smiling,

"Who wants hot chocolate?"

She had brought a tray of hot chocolate mugs and marshmallows. Zero groaned,

"Felicia, we're trying to set a mood here."

The blue-haired singer blinked,

"Wait, what mood? All six of them are tied to chairs."

Jill grumbled,

"Thank you for stating the obvious."

She fidgeted in the ropes,

"And, what is this anyway?"

Zero said,

"All right, I'll talk. This whole rivalry between your two companies has gotten out of control and it needs to stop."

Captain America nodded,

"Right. We're now occupying Stark Towers until the mansion gets rebuilt."

He continued,

"What started this?"

Deadpool, Dante, Taskmaster and Chris were all staring at the mugs of hot chocolate, which were oddly in front of Felicia's large breasts. Jill and Trish grumbled viciously at what they would do to their men when they got out. Deadpool spoke up,

"I'm sorry, but could we have hot chocolate first? It's kind of distracting with those mugs standing over there."

Trish growled,

"Are you looking at the mugs or Felicia's boobs?"

Dante cracked,

"Can it be both?"  
Trish shouted,

"YOU LITTLE CHEAT! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU'RE GONNA WISH YOU WERE DEAD!"  
She struggled to get out of the ropes, but, despite her best efforts, the ropes held. Jill shook her head,

"If this is about what's been going on…they started it!"

Trish shouted back,

"Yeah, right! We were just trying to run an honest business when YOU kept poaching our jobs!"

Deadpool gasped,

"Insolence! We were working for a paycheck when YOU poached our jobs!"

Taskmaster scoffed,

"Not our fault we take on more than just zombies. We're just that good. Right, Dante?"

Dante was still staring at Felicia as she giggled, her breasts bouncing up and down rapidly. The copy-cat super-villain rolled his eyes,

"Dante, you are not helping."  
Captain America shook his head,

"I've heard enough. We need to talk to the others and come up with a solution."

After everyone left the room, Deadpool had a strange feeling come over him,

"The insane author has something up his sleeve. What is it? Stay tuned!"

Next Chapter:

Deadpool is right. Cap and the others do have a solution to this mess. What is it? Stay tuned!


	12. Chapter 12

**Zombie Protection Agency **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Capcom. _

Chapter 12: Resolution 

Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, Spider-man, Felicia, She-Hulk, and Wolverine were reclining on lawn chairs. The emerald-skin powerhouse smirked,

"You know something, Cap. This is definitely one of your better ideas."

The group of heroes were watching the employees of the Zombie Protection Agency and the Slayers Protection Agency rebuild the mansion. Deadpool, who was carrying a two-by-four, groaned,

"Oh, come on. This is the insane author's solution!"

He yelled out,

"You lazy, good-for-nothing bastard! You're only doing this just to screw with me, Marvel's greatest property! My lawyers are going to hear about this! And, so will my agent!"

Chris looked to Taskmaster and asked,

"Is he always like this?"  
Taskmaster nodded,

"Yep. He keeps thinking he's a fictional character or something."

The imitating villain held a hammer and pointed,

"Help me with this board, would you?"  
Jill sighed, shaking her head,

"I can't believe I even agreed to do this. What was I thinking?"

Dante came up beside her,

"Well, you got me, babe."

A hard hammer blow came from Trish as she struck her boyfriend's head with a hammer,

"Get back to work, idiot."

Deadpool was in the middle of his rant,

"You're in the middle of completing this crack of a series! You lazy loser! The very least you could do is have Wesker show up! You would think that if zombies were running around, he would at least be in this piece of crap!"

At that precise moment, Wesker rode up on a motorcycle and, pulling out a paint ball gun, fired at Deadpool and the others. He then zipped away, cackling maniacally as he did. Deadpool glared ominously at seemingly a camera and growled,

"You are a dead man, you insane author. Right after I kill Wesker."

He pulled out his swords and cried out,

"FOR CHIMICHANGAS EVERYWHERE!"  
The insane mercenary ran off in the direction of Wesker's bike. Jill shook her head,

"I am not going to stop him."

There was a crash and Chris and Taskmaster collapsed on top of each other, buried underneath several planks of wood.

Iron Man asked,

"Are you sure this was a good idea, Cap?"

Cap sipped some lemonade and shrugged,

"Relax, Tony. It's not like the mansion can get any more destroyed than it is now."

Doom walked by and said,

"When they are done here, I want them to repair my castle."

Iron Man grumbled,

"We know, Doom. We know. You need it repaired so you can take revenge n Reed Richards."

Doom yelled,

"RICHARDS! I KNOW YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS! I SHALL KILL YOU SLOWLY, AND, WHEN I DO, I WILL FIND A WAY TO BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE, AND KILL YOU ALL OVER AGAIN!"  
He was then hit with Thor's hammer and knocked unconscious.

End of Zombie Protection Agency


End file.
